Happy Jack

Original Airdate:	March 24, 2004
Writer:	Kristin Newman
Director:	David Trainer

Donna catches Eric in a very private moment and is overcome with disgust. And Hyde and Fez visit Kelso at the Police Academy and discover that he’s become a big jerk.

After Jackie shows Eric and Donna some photos of her mother in a bikini, Eric disappears for a while. Donna sticks her head in the bathroom and interrupts a very busy Eric. Was he going to the bathroom, asks Jackie. No! Ew, says Jackie. Later Eric tells Hyde and Fez that Donna saw him taking care of some needs in the bathroom. It was horrific! Fez says Eric just needs a good cover story. Whenever Fez gets caught he just says he’s checking for ticks. Hyde and Fez go to the Police Academy to visit Kelso who is now sporting a mustache. He thinks it makes him look like an authority figure; Hyde says he looks like a porn star. Whichever, says Kelso. Officer Kennedy comes by and warns that he’ll have his eye on all of them. Kelso is really getting into the whole cadet routine and is acting like a jerk. He even gives the guys some pamphlets to read: “Be great and go straight.” Hyde thinks he’s totally lame. But Kelso says he’s grown up now and playing by the rules. He grabs the paper bag containing Hyde’s stash and flushes it. Hyde’s jaw drops, and Fez is angry. “You broke Hyde, you son of a bitch,” Fez yells. Donna tells Kitty that she walked in on Eric when he was “busy,” and it was in her house. Kitty says she raised Eric better than that. It will be awkward, but she’ll talk to him. At the Police Academy, in Kelso’s room, Hyde has Kelso’s billy club and has him in a choke hold. Hyde releases him and tells Kelso that he and Fez are willing to support him as he tries to make a new life. They’re gonna be great and go straight. But when Kelso’s asleep, the guys go after him with shaving cream and a razor. The next morning at the Forman house, Eric comes in while Red and Kitty are having breakfast. “If it isn’t Casanova, the man who seduced himself,” jeers Red. Eric’s mortified. Kitty assures Eric that what he was doing is normal, but he should remember to lock the door. Later, in the basement, Eric tells Donna how embarrassed he is, just as Donna realizes that the photos of Jackie’s mom are what got Eric going. He’s an animal, says Donna. At the Police Academy, Kelso shows up for morning inspection with a perfect little Hitler mustache. Officer Kennedy goes ballistic, and Kelso has no idea what’s wrong. He thinks maybe the guys shaved his head. Fez pulls out a pocket mirror, and Kelso cracks up. Great burn! Back at the Formans, Eric asks Red if he can speak to him privately. He tried to tak to Donna but only made things worse. Red advises Eric to go on the offensive. Counter attack, says Red. She’ll never expect it, and it will throw her off. That night in Kelso’s dorm room, Kelso no longer has his mustache. Kelso thanks the guys for getting him back on track. He doesn’t have to be lame like other cops. He can be a cool cop! Eric goes to Donna’s bedroom and tells her he has something to say. It’s all her fault. This celibacy thing has created a monster. He can’t leave himself alone. Donna agrees. She has to accept some responsibility for the odd and disgusting things he does.